A mother is the first person to give us a sense of security. But what if this mother sees the child not as a person, but as a reflection of herself? What if her love depends on how much the child conforms to her fantasies? This is a narcissistic mother. She may be caring in public and destructive in private. She may smother with her "sacrifice" or coldly ignore. Children of such mothers grow up feeling they will never be good enough. But this trauma can be overcome. We tell you how to recognize a narcissistic mother and how to heal. How to recognize a narcissistic mother A narcissistic mother does not necessarily scream and hit. Often she acts more subtly. Signs: she constantly talks about her sacrifices ("I have done so much for you"); she envies the child's success (especially a daughter); she uses the child as a therapist (complaining about her husband, life); she violates boundaries (reading the diary, entering without knocking); she criticizes appearance, career choice, partner; she cannot be happy about the child's achievements without linking it to herself ("this is thanks to my genes"); she devalues the child's feelings ("you are too sensitive", "don't make things up"). A child of such a mother never feels unconditional love — love has to be earned, be convenient, talented, obedient. Types of narcissistic mothers Psychologists identify several types. The mother-gobbler: she considers the child an extension of herself, does not let her separate, controls every step, even in adulthood. The mother-neglector: she is cold, emotionally inaccessible, busy with her career or lovers. The child feels unwanted. The "social narcissist": she showcases the child's achievements to get praise for herself. She harshly punishes in case of failures. The "victim": she is constantly sick, suffering, manipulating guilt ("you are sending me to the grave"). All these types cause harm, but in different ways. Children of narcissistic mothers: what they grow up into Scenarios v ... Read more