We learn rules from childhood: say "thank you," smile at guests, don't interrupt the elders. Etiquette is a system of rituals that smooths over social rough edges. But what if etiquette conflicts with sincerity? Should we thank for an unwanted gift? Do we have to smile at someone who is unpleasant to us? Where is the boundary between politeness and hypocrisy? This conflict between sincerity and etiquette is an eternal dilemma. Etiquette as social lubricant Etiquette is a kind of safety valve. It allows us to interact with people without getting into conflicts over every trifle. If everyone only said what they thought, the world would turn into a continuous fight. "How are you?" is a standard question for which no one expects a truthful answer about knee pain and divorce. The etiquette formula allows for the exchange of rituals and move on. Therefore, etiquette is not the enemy of sincerity, but its context. But the problem starts when the ritual replaces the content. Why sincerity and etiquette often conflict Conflict arises when rules require one thing, while feelings require another. Example: you come to a party where they served a tasteless dish. Etiquette dictates to praise the delicacy, sincerity suggests to remain silent or even tell the truth. Or: the boss gave you an ugly thing. Etiquette - "thank you, I'm very pleased." Sincerity - "take this trash away." Another example: a colleague tells a long story you've heard a hundred times. Etiquette - listen with a smile. Sincerity - say "that's enough." A person who always chooses sincerity will be known as a brute. The one who always chooses etiquette will be a hypocrite. "Polite lie": for and against Supporters of etiquette say that "polite lies" are needed to not hurt the feelings of others. It's better to say "thank you, it's very warm" to a grandmother who knitted an ugly sweater than "you're making fun of me?". It's not worth saying "horrible" to a friend who has had a bad haircut, better to be sil ... Read more